You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
