The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't deserve a penis
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
