Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
