were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
