We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
