Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
