I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
