I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
