I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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