And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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