how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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