hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize