sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
