she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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