So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
