We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
