tonight lets celebrate not being married
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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