I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize