he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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