Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
