Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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