you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My balls are so social today.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
