you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
