Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
