Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This house was built for laser tag.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
