i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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