I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
