Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and she was petting her beer can
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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