For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
