turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
