So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize