And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
