i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
