Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
