wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
