i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
