so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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