ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
