fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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