So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
