Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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