you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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