New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
