Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
