I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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