Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
