So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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