did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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