I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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