I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
