He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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