She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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