rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
