i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize