So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
