I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
