We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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