We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
