I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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