I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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