can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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