I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
