I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the raccoons are back...
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