I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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