We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
