we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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